Stay
by Independence Undervalued
Summary: I wasn't looking for love that day and I certainly didn't expect it to appear so fast. In one look, I knew I had to have him, but in the short time that followe d I fell harder than I ever dreamed poss ible. It was like those stupid love song s. But they say all good things must com e to an end. I wish they didn't.


**A/N: **Just a random one shot that came to me. Please do listen to Rihanna's _Stay_ while reading this. I thought it summed them up pretty well (thanks to **TaylorPaige24 **for the suggestion) Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders._

* * *

I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on him.

It had been one long night and I was exhausted, but Evie had insisted on going to the movies. I hated to let her down, so I gave in. She wanted to see that new beach film that came out. I wasn't sure whose idea it was to release a summer movie in the last ditch of winter, but I was okay with it. I hated the cold.

We plastered ourselves outside of the theater in our usual spot, scouting for guys. Well, _I_ was scouting. Evie kept reminding me that she was "happily taken". I wanted to puke, but that would have been rude, so I bit my tongue.

Evie and I had been friends since the seventh grade when she told a girl off for talking shit about me. I'd always felt grateful for that because I'd been new to the school and didn't want to get in a fight my first week. Second week, sure. I grinned at the memory of clawing at that pretty girls face. She'd never seen it coming.

"What're you smirkin' about," Evie cut in, smoking coolly. "See one you like?"

Scoffing, I pointed at the only people on the street. "Oh yeah. Gramps over there sure got my motor runnin', babe. He's only what, ninety? Oh lordie, better hold me back."

She let out a loud laugh and I had to join her. Evie was a good friend. She didn't talk too much, but she knew the right things to say. My crazy balanced with her calmness and we got on just fine.

"Evie!"

I groaned as Marlene Appleton – only the most annoying girl on this side of Tulsa - came rushing over with her friends in tow, gushing about how great it was to see us and on and on. I tuned her and her cronies out rather quickly, leaving Evie to converse with them. She was always better at being civil than I was.

The traffic was flowing by at a steady pace, blocking the other side of the street from view. It wasn't until the light changed and the cars stopped passing that I saw him.

Love songs always talk about shit like how the earth comes to a stop when you see "the one" or how you go all weak in the knees. Dumb shit like that. But when I saw him for the first time, that couldn't have been less true.

Everything seemed to speed up, flying by me in a blur. He was crossing the street with Evie's boyfriend, Steve Randle, grinning and chatting about guy things. My legs weren't weak, but goddamn they were on fire. _Everything _was. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever or would ever see.

I tried to steady my breathing, leaning against the building for support as he came closer. A small smirk spread across his lips as he took me in, eyes roaming over my body. Looking away, I grinned a bit myself and let him look all he wanted. That was one thing I wasn't afraid of because I knew how good I looked. I heard it nearly every day.

He came over to me and leaned against the wall, our shoulders touching. My thighs felt like they would burst into red-hot flames and I had to bite my lip to keep the moan from escaping my throat. I took a deep breath to steady myself and caught a hint of his cologne mixed with cigarettes. Goddamn.

Up close, it was clear that he was younger than me, though not by much. Maybe a year, two at most. A sly smirk slipped across my face as I thought about the prospects of a younger boy and he seemed to take that as an indication I was interested. Had he been talking this whole time?

I grabbed a cigarette from the pack inside my bra and stuck it between my lips, silently glad that I had opted for the red lipstick this morning. "You got a light?"

His icy eyes widened a fraction before he grabbed his lighter from his jacket and chuckled, shrugging. "Well, sure would seem that way. Only thing is, I ain't no gentleman."

My stomach gave a powerful lurch and it was all I could do to keep myself from pouncing right there and then. His voice was low, husky. It was the sound that I would think of before I went to sleep at night, soothing myself with its memory.

"Good. Never had time for no sweethearts, anyhow."

His eyes set to roaming again and I found myself – for the first time in ages – wondering if I looked as good as I thought I did. Would he think so? Or would he think I was just another piece of trash on the side of the street.

I swallowed those thoughts away and focused on appearing cool once more. "You got a name, cowboy?"

The first sign of irritation appeared and I realized, _I enjoyed that_. I got under his skin. I had found a button to push. Before he replied, he put an arm around my shoulders and swear to God, I could have died happy right there and then. Damn love songs. My knees felt like they were made of rubber.

"I ain't no cowboy, sweets. You can call me Dallas, though."

I savored the sound of that, letting the name roll around my mouth like a new food, enjoying the taste and the way it felt. "Oh, and how is that _not_ a cowboy name?"

He thought it over and gave me a piercing look, one that seemed to see right through me without any effort. I held his gaze and waited, enjoying the back and forth we had going on.

"_Duke_ is a cowboy name."

"Duke is a dog's name," I replied swiftly, giving him a sharp jab with my elbow.

I debated a moment over whether to say more or leave it alone. Never one to give up, though, I pressed on with what I hoped was convincing sureness.

"Are you plannin' on askin' me out, cowboy, or are you just gonna shoot the breeze?"

The satisfaction I felt when I saw the look of silent surprise on his face made me feel damn good, I couldn't help but smile openly at him. His eyes were no longer roaming, but they were filled with a sort of admiration in them. I never believed in love at first sight, and I'm still not sure that I do, but with Dallas it was pretty damn close.

He grabbed my hand and gave me a swift tug, pulling me closer to him. My heart could have exploded out of my chest and I wouldn't have been surprised, it was racing so fast.

"Let's blow this place, whaddya say to that?" That low, husky voice was all of the convincing I needed and I nodded to him.

"Thought you'd never ask."

I tossed a wave over my shoulder to a surprised Evie and we were off, heading towards the town. Several people passing us shot looks our way, some in surprise and others in disgust. I knew what the girls were thinking – Sylvia's shaggin' another one. But I also knew they were seeing Dally. They were seeing the same thing I had.

They saw that raw, gorgeous danger in his eyes. That reckless smirk that appeared on his face. The walk that said he knew who he was and where he was going. They saw a boy from a big city come to Tulsa and slowly, but surely making a name for himself.

And he'd chosen me.

Another grin, this one much girlier than I would care to admit, appeared and I struggled to stifle it before he caught sight of it. He squeezed my hand as he weaved our way through a small crowd outside of a store and I felt my stomach clench with it.

No, I didn't love him then. But it didn't take long. Not long at all.

XxX

Some of my favorite memories of him are small ones. Like his smell - that musky outdoors scent with the smokey tinge. Or his smile - how it would start on one side and spread slowly to the other. Or that laugh I only heard on rare occasions - the one that could make everything better. Then, there are the big memories. Like when I first saw him. Or the first time we made love.

That last memory was the best night of my life and even after we'd finished, I knew nothing would ever top it. I could get Paul fucking Newman in my bed and I would still say that Dally was the best. It was magical.

After we'd finished, he held me and we just laid there in silence for a while. I listened to his heart thudding rapidly in his chest and smiled, satisfied. I'd done that. I'd gotten him that hot. It felt real good.

Outside, the stars were bright against the black sky and I felt like I was in heaven. His arms were wrapped securely around me and I raised my face to look at him, our lips finding each other in the darkness. I loved the taste of him on my lips, the sweet and salty tang of sweat and something that was entirely his own.

"I think I might love you, Dallas."

The words came out before I could stop them, but I didn't regret it. He had to know how I felt by that point, yet when it came to him I had no idea. Dally was a closed book when it came to feelings and emotions.

I could feel him smirk. "Yeah, I think you're crazy enough that you just might, too."

Slapping his chest, I huffed. "Don't call me crazy. You know what I mean, cowboy."

"Hey, now." He pulled me up swiftly, catching my face in his hands and a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Don't start that shit."

I glared back at him and flopped against the bed, outside of his reach. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. I was making him mad and I knew it. Good, I thought. Let him stew for a bit.

The silence seemed to drag on for ages. Dally shifted restlessly before throwing an arm over my stomach, his fingers tracing tiny circles across my skin. He knew how that gave me chills.

"Don't be that way, Syl." His voice had dropped into his deep, persuasive register. "You know how I feel 'bout you."

I rolled towards him and sighed. "No, I don't. But I guess I can wait a while to hear it from you."

"What about you," he countered. "How're things at home?"

Drawing back, I hissed, "That's different."

"How? You don't like talkin' 'bout your stepfather and what he does. I don't like talkin' 'bout feelings and shit."

Stung, I kept my distance. He was one of the few people that knew my mom's new husband and the game's he liked to play. I confided in him shortly after we'd met and Dallas had offered to straighten things out. As extremely attractive as it had sounded, I declined. I didn't need my new boyfriend tossed in the cooler the first night I brought him home.

I felt his hands on my face and sighed, knowing he wasn't going to apologize. He never did. Dally traced my lips with his thumb before kissing me roughly, argument forgotten. I kissed him back with just as much passion, the two of us heating up like dogs. A soft moan escaped me and I shuddered as his hands gripped my back, his rough skin on the smooth contours of my back.

"Goddamn, Sylvia," he groaned, moving his mouth to my neck and biting.

Everything was forgiven.

XxX

I was walking home from Buck's when I spotted that Johnny kid Dally always hung out with. It was drizzling out and Dally had picked another stupid fight before refusing to drive me home. Jackass. As my eyes landed on the kid, though, a sneer spread across my face and I couldn't help it. I made my way over to him, walking with a bit more swing than normal.

When he looked up and saw who was coming, his fearful expression shifted to recognition briefly before returning to fear. That made my sneer widen even more. The kid _actually_ thought I meant harm. Silly boy. My claws weren't out for everyone I encountered. They had to earn them.

"Hey there, Johnny," I crooned as I came closer. "What're you doin' out here by your lonesome?"

"H-hey, Sylvia," he replied, backing up a step. "Just headin' to Ponyboy's house. Where's, uh, where's Dal?"

I shrugged and rested my hand on his shoulder. Let him tell _this _story to his friends, I thought smugly.

"At Buck's still, I'm sure. He made me walk home." To emphasize, I stuck out my lower lip and pouted the way only I knew how.

His eyes kept shifting, searching for a way out. Poor kid. He'd probably never been alone with a girl, let alone touched one. I took my hand off of his jacket and smiled a bit more warmly at him.

"Would you walk a nice girl home?"

"Sure, if there was one around."

I hissed as Steve stepped out of the shadows with a knowing, hard smirk in place. Johnny looked like he would die of relief and he nearly kissed Steve, mumbling his thanks as he hurried off. Was I the fucking plague?

"Randle."

"Sylvia."

We stood like that for a few moments, silently sizing the other up and waiting to see who would crack first. Something in my face must have softened him slightly and he sighed.

"Did Dally really make you walk back from Buck's?"

I smirked at him and shrugged. "Oh, please. Don't act like you give a shit. You're not that good of an actor."

Shoving past him, I started off towards my house. I hated how guys like him could make me feel so shitty about myself. Most days, it didn't bug me how people looked at me or what they thought. But that night was different. That night it hurt.

"Sylvia…"

I whirled around and gave him a look. "What?"

He hesitated and thought for a minute before speaking. "Just don't come on to Johnny no more. For his sake."

"That's it. Really? Ya know what, fuck you." I kissed my fingers and went to blow him a kiss, flipping him the bird instead.

Ironically enough, Evie taught me that move. Steve rolled his eyes and waved me off, muttering something to himself. I almost gave him shit for it, but decided I didn't care and kept walking towards home. An unfamiliar burning started in my eyes and I impatiently wiped the moisture away.

It had been months since I'd cried and I had no intention of starting now. Not over some stupid greaser like Steve Randle. Yet when my house came into view and I saw my stepfather's broad silhouette against the window, I wished I had stayed with Dally and the tears fell almost as if to taunt me. My chest tightened and I stopped, standing in the street.

Damn you, Dallas Winston. Damn you all.

XxX

I bit my lip and watched as Dally paced back and forth in his room, angrier than I'd seen him in a long time. Word was out that some Socs from the other side had ventured over to their side of town and Johnny had gotten roughed up pretty bad. Dally, never one to hold his temper, completely lost it and beat the shit out of some guy that had looked at him wrong before running. It was only a matter of time before the cops showed.

"It's bullshit, that's what it is," he growled. "I shoulda killed those fuckin' pricks."

"The cops need to stop wastin' time arrestin' you and start goin' after the boys actually committin' crimes," I added, thinking of Johnny.

He laughed shortly and in the distance, the sirens started wailing. "Like that's ever gonna happen."

I felt hopeless staring at my clasped hands. Dally was no stranger to the slammer and I knew how it worked. It never changed how I felt when he got arrested though. To tell the truth, I'd rather they arrested me. At least I wouldn't have to worry about him.

Dally grabbed his jacket and threw it on, sitting beside me on the bed as the sirens came closer. I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed his nose.

"Behave this time, okay? Maybe you won't be gone so long."

He kissed me fiercely then, his hands grabbing at me for the last time before he had to go. I hated to say goodbye to him. We'd called it quits before, but it was always different when he got arrested. It just felt awful.

Downstairs, we could hear the door swing open and Buck hollering. Dally glanced towards the window and sighed. I knew he was looking for an escape for me, but I wasn't going anywhere. Not without him, anyways.

"Just stay where you are, okay?"

The door was abruptly kicked in and a small army of officers burst in the room, all hollering and yelling different things. Dally was smirking, hands already behind his back. I was so busy watching him I didn't realize two of the officers were yelling at me.

"Get your hands up, _now_!"

Surprised, I turned to see who he was talking to. Without thinking, my hand reached for the nightstand to hold on to and one of the officers was on top of me in seconds, pinning me to the bed with his sheer weight. The other officer was searching the nightstand for "the weapon" I had been going for. Across the room, Dally was raging.

"Get the fuck off her, you hear me? She didn't do shit. Hey, you fuckin' pig! Get off!"

The officers holding him were struggling to get him out of the door, but Dally was still putting up a fight. His eyes were locked on mine and I shook my head minutely, hoping he saw. Then, he was gone. He didn't need to get any more time added on to his sentence than they were going to give him. The fuzz in Tulsa loved to lock Dally up.

Huffing mightly, the heavy cop shoved off of me and shook his head. "Sweetheart, you oughta know better'n that. Don't ever reach for nothin' when a cop says otherwise, you read me?"

"Loud and clear, fatass," I groaned, rubbing my lower back and wincing.

He caught my arm in a steely grip and no hint of humor was on his pudgy face. "Don't sass me, sweets. I'll throw your pretty ass in the cooler and not lose a wink of sleep tonight."

I didn't feel like pushing my luck and stayed quiet, letting the two cops finish searching the room. They gave me one last crude glance before leaving, the busted door hanging awkwardly.

Letting out a large breath, I leaned back on the bed and played with the necklace around my neck. Dally always gave it to me when we were official. It was the only comfort I had without him around and I clung to it then, holding it so tightly it bit into the palm of my hand.

ooooo

A few weeks later, I was getting stir-crazy. Dally always told me I was more cat than broad and I had to agree with him. I hated the waiting game, sitting around and doing nothing while he was locked up. So when Tim Shepard came to see me one afternoon, what happened next was unavoidable.

We lay in his bed afterwards, breathing hard and sweating. It wasn't the first time I had slept with another guy while with Dally and I knew it wasn't like Dally had never done it to me, but this seemed different. I felt filthy and wrong. The entire thing was wrong. Tim's arms weren't Dally's. His voice, his kiss, his body. None of this was right, but it was done and I knew there was no chance it wouldn't get out that I'd run around. Again.

Unable to stop myself, I stumbled out of his bed and barely made it to the bathroom, vomiting until there was nothing left in me. In the other room, Tim chuckled quietly and got up, the bed creaking underneath him. I listened as he left his room and headed for the stairs, going to the kitchen below. I curled up on the floor of their tiled bathroom and cried softly, wrapping my arms around my naked body. What had I done?

ooooo

Sure enough, the day Dally got out he showed up at my house. There was no love in his eyes, no smile on his face. It was cold and businesslike.

"Heard you fucked Shepard."

I winced, his words like a slap to my face. "Dally, I –"

He held up a hand and gave me a pitying smirk. "Please, babe, save it. You're so full of shit, your eyes are turnin' brown. I came to get my necklace."

"So that's it? You don't even care about me, do you," I yelled, my voice going up an octave. "You son-of-a-bitch! You don't know shit about what I've dealt with out here!"

"You're breakin' my heart. Give me my fuckin' necklace, you crazy broad."

I let out a wild laugh then, actually beginning to _feel_ crazy. "You want it? You can rip it off of me yourself. Fuck you, Dallas Winston."

He lunged forward, his hands reaching for my neck and I didn't even flinch. Instead, I reached deftly into his pocket and grabbed whatever blade he had in there, whipping it out in one motion and hold it in front of me. Dally froze and started shaking his head in surprise.

"You really are fuckin' nuts, you know that?"

"Stop saying that," I shrieked. "I didn't do _shit_ that you wouldn't have done had it been me in jail! Ain't that the truth of it, cowboy? Huh?"

He stayed silent, hands held out in front of him as if he was placating a small child. The thought enraged me even more, the edges of my vision turning red. I hated to be called crazy. I hated to be patronized. I hated to be talked to like I was a child, an unstable one. It made me so mad, I thought I would explode.

Distracted by my thoughts, Dally saw his chance and rushed forward, grabbing my wrist in one hand and wrapping his arm around my chest with his other. I screamed, both in anger and surprise, and tried to fight him off. He was so much stronger than me, it wasn't much of a fight. He hooked his necklace with a finger and pulled it off from around my head.

As he put it back on, I launched myself at him, punching and kicking. Dally grabbed my arms and yelled at me to stop, but I swear to God I couldn't. I was so goddamn mad, _I couldn't stop_.

He was going to leave me.

He was going to leave because I had slept with Tim Shepard – Tim, who had gotten me drunk out of my mind on purpose. It was no different than any other time before, but something in his look said it _was_ different and the thought of him really, truly leaving me was driving me to my limits.

"You goddamn son-of-a-bitch," I screamed, tears pouring down my face and spit flying from my lips. "You're such a fucking hypocrite! I hate you so fucking much!"

I barely saw it coming, but I sure as hell felt it. He reached out and slapped me, my head rocking back from the force of it. Dally's hands weren't holding on to me anymore and my legs gave out from under me. I fell to the floor, stunned. We had hit each other before, but never so hard. Everything was so different, I couldn't think of anything to say.

Dally swore loudly and slammed his fist into the wall, drawing blood. Without a word, he stormed out and I thought he'd really left, but he returned moments later with a bag of ice. He looked closely at my cheek before putting the ice on it.

"Jesus Almighty, Sylvia," he muttered, pacing the room.

"I'm not crazy," I whispered, staring at him. "And you know it didn't mean anything. You _know_ that."

He shook his head and I knew it was done. Dally had shown his moment of compassion and now it was over. We were quits and something told me this time, it wasn't going to be so easy to get back together.

"See you around, Sylvia."

Dally let the door slam behind him and I waited, listening to the rumble of Buck's car disappear and silence follow it. I was completely alone.

I felt it in my chest, that hitching tension that builds up and has nowhere to go but up and out. When the first wail broke free, I didn't recognize it as my own. But as the tears picked up speed, I simply opened my mouth and screamed.

It was all over.

XxX

It didn't take long for me to break down and go to him. Shoot, it was barely a day. But dammit I tried. I really did.

Before the accident a few years back, my dad used to take my brother and I fishing. I remembered wondering how the fish felt as it got reeled in, the tension on the hook growing and growing until it was agony – the only choices were to let it rip you apart or go to the source of your pain.

Now, I was that fish.

I was walking to Buck's when the sports car drove by. Dally would have been ashamed that I didn't catch the model, but I did know it was green. Bright and shiny, like it had just been waxed. There were three of them inside, most definitely not greasers, and I was really wishing I had called for a ride from Evie.

A wolf-whistle came from one of them, followed by a chorus of laughter, and I shivered in spite of the heat outside. The car was cruising along beside me, matching my pace and I knew I would never get far if I tried to run.

"Hey baby," a voice crooned. "C'mon over here and let's go for a ride."

More laughter at the crude joke and another voice called, "We can treat you to a _real_ night out, sweetheart."

I kept walking, my eyes fixed straight ahead but a certain dread had settled over me. They weren't getting tired of this game. If anything, they were just getting started. The back door swung open as they cruised and a hand reached out towards me. I skirted over, finally breaking my forward stare and fixed them with what I hoped was my meanest glare.

"Get lost, pigs."

"Oh-ho-ho." The entire tone had changed and the car came to a halt, the other doors opening as well. "Did you hear that, guys? This _slut_ thinks she can talk to us like some of her greasy pals."

I felt my stomach sink to my toes, but kept my face emotionless. There were three of them, all much bigger than I was, and no traffic on the road behind them. It was just the four of us and I had never felt so alone.

The driver, a redhead, came up to me with a grin on his ugly face. I knew what they wanted, but I would rip their faces off before they got it. His arm snaked around my waist and I shoved him as hard as I could, using the guffaws from his stupid cohorts as ammunition for my rage. Red's chapped lips smashed against mine, his tongue darting in my mouth and his hands roaming without end. I waited for the right moment and then I bit down, biting until I tasted blood.

He cried out in surprise and backhanded me sharply, sending me to the ground with my other cheek stinging painfully. His friends were standing by uncertainly, trying to figure out what the next move would be when another car finally appeared down the street, engine screaming loudly. I knew that car anywhere and never thought I would be so glad to see Tim in my entire life. The Socs sized me up and decided I wasn't worth it, retreating to their car.

Red spat on the ground beside me and shook his head. "Good, you're right where you belong there in the dirt. _Bitch_."

Their car tore away from the curb, spitting gravel and dirt as it went. I shielded my eyes and stood slowly, brushing myself off. My cheek burned and my hands were scraped, but all of that would heal. What I needed was a hot shower to wash off the feeling of his snake-like hands and his disgusting lips. I shuddered at the thought and smeared a hand along my mouth.

Tim pulled up beside me and idled his car, turning his radio down so he could talk. "Sylvia? The fuck're you doin' out here?"

I turned and let him see me and he swore darkly, his expression changing instantly. He stopped the car fully and climbed out, looking at me closely.

"Goddamn, you're a mess."

"Aren't you a charmer," I kidded, offering a wry smile. "Nothing hurt that won't heal. Can you give me a lift to Buck's?"

He nodded and glanced in the direction the car had left in. "Were they Socs?"

"Yeah. Three of 'em. I'm fine."

"I know," he answered, rolling his eyes. "Just don't be so stupid and walk anywhere. Get a ride if you gotta go out."

It was my turn to nod and we got back in his car, speeding off towards Buck's.

ooooo

I stood in the doorway of his room, unsure whether or not I should even go any farther. He was staring at me and I couldn't read his expression at all. It was stormy, but not towards me. I took a tentative step in and when he didn't say anything, I closed the door behind me.

"I heard about Johnny and Ponyboy," I said softly. "I'm sorry, Dallas."

He shrugged, his eyes never leaving my colorful face. "The hell happened to you?"

Ducking my head, I shrugged. "Depends."

Dally was on his feet and in front of me in an instant, moving with that stealthy silence I both feared and admired. His hands were gentle, tracing the freshest mark with his course fingers.

"Dick?"

I shook my head, knowing he meant my stepfather. His name was Richard, but Dally insisted on calling him Dick. I always thought it was pretty funny myself, yet something told me my stepfather wouldn't find it so amusing.

"Who?"

"Just a couple Socs on my way over." I saw his eyes widen and quickly tried to smooth it over. "Dallas, it's fine. I'm fine. Okay, look. I'm fine. Please don't overreact."

He started pacing the room angrily, lighting up a smoke. "Who were they? Tell me right now and I'll go rip their goddamn balls off. Tell me who they were."

"I don't know, Dally. Just forget it okay? Please? That's not why I came here."

Dally stared at me with that stormy expression, but his pacing slowed slightly. I took that as a good sign and perched myself on his dresser, lighting my own smoke and breathing deeply. We were silent for a minute, both of us lost in our own troubled thoughts. I just wanted him to put his arms around me and hold me, but I wasn't going to tell him that. Not just now.

"So what _are _you doin' here," he asked, sitting on the bed. "Thought you, uh, hated my guts and shit like that."

I shrugged, embarrassed. "I was upset, Dally. You know that."

He nodded, smoking silently and waiting for me to go on. I wiped my sore face and put my cigarette out in the ashtray.

"I don't wanna be quits, Dal. I didn't mean to end up with Tim. You know that. He got me blitzed and I was lonely and I missed you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it and I know that." My voice kept getting softer, ending in a soft whisper I could barely hear myself.

Silence met my words and after a minute, I chanced a glance over at him to see what he was doing. A smirk met my glance and I felt a smile of my own appear, relief flooding over me. He held a hand out to me and I needed no further invitation, climbing in bed beside him and feeling his strong arms wrap around me. Nothing felt better, I thought with a content sigh.

"I'm tired of the games, Syl," he mumbled, kissing my head. "They gotta stop."

I looked up at him, into the face of the boy I had completely and utterly fallen in love with. Was there another guy out there for me? No, I didn't think so. Leaning up, I kissed him and tried to convey those emotions to him without words. He responded, his lips moving much softer and more gentle than normal. He kissed both of my cheeks carefully, eyes closed and breath soft on my face. I sighed happily and rested my face against his neck.

Everything was going to be alright, as long as I had him. As long as we were in it together, I would be just fine.

XxX

I stared at Tim, not believing what he was saying. He was lying. He had to be. There couldn't be any truth to what he was saying.

"No." The word slipped from my lips, but as they did I could see the confirmation on Tim's face.

"Sylvia, listen –"

That was all it took, his words set me into motion, and I ran for the door. I hadn't seen Curly standing nearby, waiting for the word to step in. Tim must have said or done something because suddenly Curly was there, his arms wrapping around me tightly to keep me from leaving. Hysteria was threatening to overwhelm me and I didn't want to be in that place. Where he had brought me time and time again. Where he would never bring me again.

"He bluffed with his heater," Tim was saying gently. "The fuzz … goddamn those fucking pigs."

Sobs, strangled and raw, ripped out of my throat in loud bursts and I let myself go limp in Curly's arms. No pain in my entire life had or would ever compare. Dallas Winston had been my first love. He had been the boy I saw myself ninety years old and married to. He had been the only one that could wrap me in his arms and make everything else seem okay.

And now, he was gone.

Dead.

I was completely alone.

At some point in my breakdown, Curly left and was replaced with Tim, but I couldn't tell you when. I didn't notice anything except for the way my entire world was crumbling around me. A fresh wave of pain hit me and just as I thought the tears were subsiding, a new batch found their way out and I was helpless all over, leaning against his best friend for support. Where was I supposed to go from here?

ooooo

The funeral was two days later.

Not surprising, the turnout was small. The Shepard gang, the Curtis brothers and their friends, some assorted Buck's customers. What did surprise me was the number of parents of those kids Dally had helped save. That thought gave me the smallest bit of comfort at night - that Dally had saved the lives of children. He had left this world having saved lives. In my eyes he had always been a hero, but now there was no doubt.

It also confirmed just how fucking much I missed him.

Another tear slipped loose, but I didn't bother to wipe it away. I figured I was all cried out at that point, but unexpected memories kept proving me wrong. As I stood outside, a small breeze picked up and I could have sworn I smelled his cologne on that breeze, faint but there. My heart fractured another bit and I shut my eyes tightly.

Thinking it would comfort me, Soda Curtis had told me everything that happened that night - how Dally lost it after Johnny died and went and got himself shot. All the knowledge did was drive another iron blade into my heart. Dally had never given a shit about me. He hadn't thought of me in those last moments of his life, hadn't thought that maybe _just maybe _I was worth living for.

The pastor began speaking a brief prayer and I tried to listen, but the painful thoughts just wouldn't stop. His touch, his voice, his embrace. Gone. Extinguished in the dead of night all because he couldn't face it. I knew Dally had a hard past. I knew memories from New York had chased him to Tulsa, but I thought I could erase that. I thought I was enough to hold him here. I thought I could make him stay.

I looked at the somber casket, the deep hole in the ground that my hero would be lowered into. My chest seized up and for a minute I couldn't breathe. A hand wrapped itself around mine and squeezed gently. I jumped and looked over to see Evie standing solemnly beside me with a knowing look on her face. Just that look, the pure look she was giving me was enough to send me back over the edge and the tears came in floods. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and hugged me gently, rubbing my back with her free hand. Steve was on her other side, his eyes reddened and puffy.

Everybody hurts, I guess.

ooooo

Now, I'm sitting here in this bathtub. Evie's letting me stay with her until I figure something else out. No way I'm going home and I will never set foot in Buck's again. Dally is everywhere there - in the rooms, in the music, in the people's faces. I can never face that place again. That's a promise I know I will keep.

My mind is going a million miles an hour, but all I can think of is Dally. Everything about him. Every last second I spent in his presence, questions speeding through my mind. How am I supposed to do anything without him? How am I supposed to get up in the morning? How am I ever going to get over him?

I slip down in the tub, feeling the water reach my chin, my lips, beneath my nose. I let the water cover my entire face, leaving only my nose above the water. Underneath it, there is silence. There's nothing. Nothing but the pain. Downstairs, Evie and her little sister are laughing and playing on the piano. Her parents are in the kitchen making dinner. Life goes on for them, but for me? I'm just not so sure. Not without Dally.

Taking a deep breath, I let the water cover my nose and lay in the silence. I let the air in my lungs out slowly and watch the bubbles float to the surface around me. Dally is gone and it would be so easy to join him, so easy to just let go. Who said I had to take another breath, now or ever? I don't have to. Not without him.

But then, how would that be any different than what he had done?

With a great gasp, I break the surface of the water, my lungs feeling like they would explode. I wipe water from my eyes, spitting it and taking deep breaths. I can't give up the way he did. I don't know how to live without him, but I know I _have_ to live. I step out of the tub carefully and wrap myself in a towel, sitting on the cold tile floor.

God, I wish he had stayed.

* * *

**A/N: **That's all there is, though I have to admit I had a blast writing this. Let me know what you think/what you'd like to see next.

As always,

Independence Undervalued.


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